Why Your Relationships are Failing

Why Your Relationships are Failing

It has recently been on my mind to come to you guys with this topic on relationships. Being a single woman, I know from personal experiences the strain of searching for “the right person”. However, with said experiences, I have grown and blossomed into an intelligent young woman worthy of the best partner this world has to offer me. Today,  I have compiled a list of why many of your relationships might not have worked in the past and hope that this post is helpful to those out there patiently awaiting that special person.

You are not practicing self-love. When I was an angsty teenager, and even into my early years of college, I thought that having a significant other defined my level of physical acceptance, which in turn caused me to view myself in a negative light. I rarely felt attractive and tried desperately to be that popular person. Honestly, I was unaware of what I was doing wrong and was constantly second-guessing myself, wondering if I wasn’t wearing the right things or acting in certain ways that seemed to attract more attention. Throughout my years of maturing, both physically and emotionally, I have found that one of the most important personal practices to engage in is self-love. Now that I have gotten older, I see myself in all of my imperfections. And though sometimes I feel the need to fix these, I know that each and every one of them makes me who I am and sets me apart from everyone else. The practice of self-love requires moments of reflection and you coming to the realization that you are good enough. In today’s society, both men and women de-value themselves based upon what they see on social media or are comparing themselves to the next person or couple. If you can’t first love yourself, you will not be able to allow someone else to love you.

Your perception of a good relationship has been tainted by social media. In every corner of social media, we see posts about what a relationship should feel like or be like. When something goes awry, social media platforms are the first to hear or see about it. We make it a requirement of ourselves to label every aspect of our relationships for all of the world to see. Privacy has taken on a lesser meaning, and such overexposure has been detrimental to the lasting power of relationships. Every time I get onto Facebook, I see men and women sharing posts with lists of what their significant other should do or say or think that falls in line with what an “acceptable” relationship should be. Your (social media) friends are your support system, but they are a gift and a curse. They can be there for you when you’re hurt, but they can also pacify you when you need to teethe. Don’t let social media define what your relationships should be. A relationship is between two people, not two people and the Internet.

Your primary focus is on sexual relations.  When you focus so intently on physical attraction, you often miss out on what your partner has to offer in the way of mind and spirit. I speak from personal experience when I say that patience is key, and waiting for the right person to come along can be worth more than you could have ever bargained for. I recently made a decision to practice chastity until I have found my husband. To some, that decision may seem extreme, but I have engaged in deep reflection over the course of my personal relationship journey and realize that I am no longer will to give what others don’t deserve of me. I have had sex with men who essentially mean nothing to me, and in retrospect, it’s not a great feeling to know that you gave so much of yourself with nothing to show in return. Having a good moral compass will guide you in the right direction. If you want a healthy relationship, learn to respect yourself. Know that you have much to offer this world aside from what’s between your legs. 

You’re too needy. Relationships are great, but they work best when it’s two people coming together to make a greater whole. One of the most important parts of that is being an independent person who holds your own. The “modern” style of relationship is based on two independent people coming together and working out an equitable partnership. Each partner is expected to shoulder half the responsibilities, more or less, right down the middle. Before a relationship can be healthy, you must learn that you don’t need anyone to complete your existence, you are whole all by yourself; a partner is simply an added bonus.

You refuse to accept that you’ll need to make some changes in your life.“I’m not going to change for anybody” is always the extreme of not knowing what “How can I be better?” really means. If you’re going to be with someone and it be healthy, know that sacrifices in habits and character might have to be made. I’m not telling you to let go of who you are, but be willing to compromise for the sake of your significant other. Being stubborn will only cause emotional stagnation.

You expect people to put up with your problems. “You should accept me, flaws and all” is only half true. I’ve always said, “I accept that you have problems, but that doesn’t mean I’ll make them my own.”

You’re not ugly, just unattractive. Too often people confuse looks with attraction. I know plenty of beautiful men and women who are not attractive. It may be personality traits, or they have only heavily relied on their looks and haven’t focused on their entire being to become completely whole. Outward appearance is only a fraction of what should be considered.Your perfect ten is probably not the person you envision them to be when you jot it down on paper. You also can’t expect them to come off-the-shelf like that too. You’re knocking down potential and people who may meet your 80%, just because you find minor flaws.

Your network is not helpful. You are the company you keep. You have to have positive reinforcements in your life. It doesn’t mean that you have to have married friends, or friends with children. It means you have to have a positive network that is beautiful and not a disaster.

You haven’t learned to let go. Acceptance is a part of life that we always struggle with. We have to learn that we’ll have to accept things in our past and leave them there. We hold onto things because we think that if we let them go it’s like we’re saying it’s okay. We’re not, we’re accepting it and allowing ourselves to move past it. When your past becomes baggage instead of lessons learned, then it can present a problem in initiating future relationships. Everything that happens in our lives, happens for a reason. At times, we acknowledge that something happened, but don’t understand the reasons and lessons we can learn. It becomes a story that ends with the occurrence and not what came of that experience. Experience it, learn from it, and keep moving.

You make poor investments. We’re all guilty of investing our time and effort into things we know won’t bring us any closer to happiness. We tell ourselves, “just this last time” but we know it’s a guilty pleasure. We also put time and effort into investments that haven’t yielded any results in some time. Learn to walk away and stop making those in the future.


Thank you all for stopping by! I hope you found something helpful in this post.